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15则经典英语幽默故事
下面是我整理的15则经典英语幽默 故事 ，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默故事1.
A: Madam, do you have something in common with your husband?
B: Oh, we have only one point in common—we got married on the same day, in the same month and in the same year.
英语幽默故事2.
After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. “ Get up, dear,” she said, “ It’s 20 to seven.”
He awoke with a start. “ In whose favor?”
英语幽默故事3.
The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”
The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”
英语幽默故事4.
On the way home from my university, I was going to drop off a friend at her home, when I realized I was lost. I asked her for directions. She said she was not sure of the route. Hoping to jog her memory, I asked, “ what route does your father take when drives you to school?” She didn’t know. I thought it might simplify things if I rephrased the question.” When you go home, which way does he go?”
“ Oh, that’s easy,” she replied. “ He goes back the same way he came.”
英语幽默故事5.
During my second year at university I was having trouble deciding on my major. In a agonizing discussion with my adviser, I decided to double major in astrophysics and theater. Getting up to leave, I said, “ Thanks for your help. But what am I going to do once I graduate?”
My adviser shrugged,“ You could be a star,” he said.
英语幽默故事6.
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest’s plate.
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said, “ You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?”
“ In the rat trap, sir,” replied the boy.
英语幽默故事7.
One professor solemnly addressed the class the day after a big assignment had been due. “ Many of you know me,” he intoned. “And many of you have met my dog, Gus. Obviously, one of you has not.”
“ I apologize to whoever slipped a term paper under my office door,” he continued. “ My dog ate your homework.”
英语幽默故事8.
Just before graduation from university, my son and several friends were discussing the role their families had played in their career plans. My son, who had been accepted by a college of optometry, had been quiet during most of the talk.
“ How about you, Dale?” one of his buddies asked. “ Was you pushy?
“ No, he replied. “ I had complete freedom of choice. I could be any kind of doctor I wanted to be.”
英语幽默故事9.
During my first year at Naval Postgraduate School, I sat chatting one day with some classmates about the program’s difficulties. A professor overheard us and tried to allay our fears. “Don’t worry too much about grades,” he explained. “ When you think you know everything, they give you a Bachelor’s degree. Then when you realize that you don’t know anything, they give you a Master’s, and when you find out that you don’t know anything, but neither does anyone else” he continued,” they give you a doctorate.”
英语幽默故事10.
Recently engaged, I asked my aunt, who has been married to Uncle Bob for 34 years, what she thought was the key to the success of their long union. She said, “ Try not to argue, and we respect each other’s privacy.”
At this point Uncle Bob interrupted. “ She works days and I work nights,” he said.
英语幽默故事11.
About two weeks before our fifth anniversary of marriage, my husband asked what I would like for a gift. I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic.
On our anniversary night, he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet. “ A little four-letter word made me get this for you,” he said softly.
“Oh, how sweet,” I whispered. “L-O-V-E?’
“No,’ he replied. “S-A-l-E.”
英语幽默故事12.
A: Oh, how nice your bookshelf is! But it’s a pity that it is empty without any books in it.
B: I had no bookshelf in the past. In order to buy the bookshelf, I have sold all my books. Don’t you know?
英语幽默故事13.
M: Do you love your bride?
Bridegroom: Yes, of course. I love her very much.
M: Are you willing to accompany with your husband forever?
Bride (with head shaking repeatedly): Of course not. He is a postman, how can I accompany with him all the whole day?
英语幽默故事14.
“Joe is the man for me,” said a starry-eyed young lady to her mother, “ He’s nice. He’s handsome. He’s smart. He’s hardworking. He’s strong. He’s kind…..”
“He’s married” interrupted her mother.
“ So nobody is perfect.”
英语幽默故事15.
A tobacco-company executive traveled the country looking for long-time smoker in good health. He found one man who admitted to smoking for 70 years. “ If you do a commercial for us,” the executive explained. “ We’ll pay you $10,000.”
“It’s a deal,” said the smoker. “When do I start?”
“How about 10 A.M. Tomorrow?”
“Can’t do it then, son—I never quit coughing till noon.”
英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）
Q: Why won’t the elephant use the computer?
为什么大象不玩电脑？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。
mouse n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor’s office and asked for help。
“Doctor, I don’t know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday.“
“Oh, don’t worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days.“ The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。
“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: “I think that he is very ill.“
“I am afraid that he is dead.“said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: “I’m not dead. I’m still alive.“
“Be quiet, “said the wife. “the doctor knows better than you!“
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.
他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:“我想他伤得很厉害.“
医生说:“我怕他已经死了.“
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:“我没死,我还活着.“
妻子说:“安静,医生比你懂得多.“
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: “God, what is a million dollars to you?“
And God says: “A penny“.
Then the man says: “God, what is a million years to you?“
And God says: “a second“,
Then the man says: “God, can I have a penny?“
And God says “In a second“.
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.
他问:“主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?“
上帝回答:“一便士.“
男子又问:“那一百万年呢?“
上帝说:“一秒钟.“
最后男子请求道:“上帝,我能得到一便士吗?“
上帝回答:“过一秒钟.“
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That’s too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?“
“A kid bit me,“ replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?“ asked his mother.
“I’d know him any where,“ said Ivan. “I have his ear in my pocket.“
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
少儿英语幽默小故事
少儿英语幽默小故事
幽默常会给人带来欢乐，其特点主要表现为机智、自嘲，调侃、风趣等。下面是我整理的一些幽默的英语小故事，希望大家喜欢!
少儿英语幽默小故事【1】
I Don’t Like Her
Bob goes to a new school.
One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.
“I don’t like her, Mother. Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.”
我不喜欢她
鲍勃的去了所新学校。
一天， 他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗?”
“不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.”
少儿英语幽默小故事【2】
Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: “I didn’t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.“
“That’s fine,“ roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?“
安眠的’药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠的药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”
少儿英语幽默小故事【3】
Count Tomorrow Morning
It’s a right. John is looking at the sky.
Tom is John’s younger brother. He asks John “What are you doing?”
John says, “I’m counting stars.”
Tom laughs and says, “It’s really dark now. Why not count them tomorrow morning?”
明天早上数
这是一个晚上。约翰抬头看着天空。
汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰：“你在干什么?”
约翰说：“我在数星星。”
汤姆笑着说：“现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢?
少儿英语幽默小故事【4】
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, “I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat.“ Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, “I cannot go to the rich man’s house today, for I cannot get over the river.“ He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。 他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。 不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。
;英语幽默故事小短文
英语幽默故事小短文
英语幽默故事小短文一：
Friend for Dinner “Honey,“ said the husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.“ “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!“ “I know all that.“ “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?“ “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.“
“亲爱的，”丈夫对妻子说：“我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。” “什么?你疯了吗?我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。” “这些我全都知道。” “那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭?” “因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。”
英语幽默故事小短文二：
An Advertisement for Modern Bicycle Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost £50, so he went to the shop to have a look. After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, “There isn’t a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement.“ “Yes, sir,“ answered the shopkeeper, “but the lamp isn’t included in the price of the bicycle. It’s an extra.“ “Not included in the price of bicycle?“ Tom said angrily, “But that’s not honest. If the lamp’s in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there.“ “Well, sir,“ answered the shopkeeper calmly, “there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?“
汤姆在报纸上看到一辆很漂亮的摩登自行车的广告，标价50英镑，于是他到商店去看一看。 汤姆很仔细地看完那辆自行车后，转过身对店主说：“这辆自行车少了一盏灯，但在广告上的.自行车是有的。”“是的，先生，”店主回答说，“但那盏灯不包括在自行车的价格里面，是另外收费的。” “不包括在自行车价格里面?”汤姆很生气，“但这是不诚实的。如果灯在广告上，它就应该包括在你所标出的价格之内。” “嗯，先生，”店主冷静地回答：“在我们的自行车广告上还有一个女孩，难道我们也要为您提供一个吗?”
英语幽默故事小短文三：
Ashamed Soldier Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, “You’re quite hopeless, Peter! Don’t waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!“ Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot. “Heavens!“ the officer said. “Has that silly man really shot himself?“ He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. “I’m sorry, sir,“ he said, “but I missed again.“
彼得十八岁那年参了军，他需要参加几个月的学习以成为一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射击不行。一天他和伙伴们练习射击，除了彼得其他人都没有问题。他射了九次，一次也没有命中目标。这时，教新兵射击的教官说：“彼得，你看来是没希望了，不要连最后一发子弹都浪费掉!去那堵墙后面用它向自己打一枪吧。” 彼得感到非常惭愧。他走到那堵墙后面。几分钟后，教官和新兵们听到一声枪响。 “上帝!”教官叫起来，“难道那个笨蛋真的朝自己开枪了?” 他急忙跑到那堵墙后面，发现彼得安然无恙。“对不起，长官，”他说，“我还是没有命中。”
;幽默风趣英语小故事三则
“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面我为大家带来幽默风趣英语小故事三则，欢迎大家阅读!
幽默风趣英语小故事：恭喜
“I’d like you to come right over,“ a man phoned an undertaker(承办人), “ and supervise the burial of my poor, departed wife.“
“Your wife!“ gasped the undertaker, “Didn’t I bury her two years ago?“
“You don’t understand,“ said the man, “You see I married again.“
“Oh,“ said the undertaker, “Congratulations!“
一位男子给殡仪馆老板打电话：“我希望你能来我这里主持我可怜的妻子的葬礼。”
老板吃力地说：“你的妻子!我在两年前没有埋葬她吗?”
男子说：“你不知道，我又结婚了”
“噢”， 老板说，“恭喜恭喜!”
幽默风趣英语小故事：征婚启事
Things were really getting worse after the war. Life became so difficult that a lot of people lived in want(在贫困中).
A newspaper had published an advertisement for a man in want of tires: “Owner of a truck would like to correspond with a widow who owns two tires. Object: matrimony(结婚). Send picture of tires.“
战后情况真是越来越糟了。生活变得非常艰难，缺少东西的人很多。
有一家报纸曾给一个需要轮胎的人登过一个这样的广告：“一部货车的车主愿意和一位备有两个轮胎的寡妇通信。目的：成婚。 要把轮胎的照片寄过来。”
幽默风趣英语小故事：一个遭遇海难的水手
A sailor was the only survivor of the shipwreck.
He had to stay on a desert island for three years.
One day he was very pleased to find a ship anchored in the day. When a small boat cameashore, an officer handed him a bunch of newspaper and said, “The captain suggests you read what’s going on the world, and then tell us if you want to be rescued.“
一个水手是船只失事后唯一的幸存者。
他不得不在一个荒岛上待了三年。
关于英语小故事1分钟幽默
幼儿 英语 故事 对激发幼儿 学习英语 兴趣,培养幼儿的听、说及交际等诸方面的能力有着不可或缺的作用。我整理了关于1分钟幽默英语小故事，欢迎阅读!
关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇一
A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。
Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I’m rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians have despised and reviled me. “
那位犹太人对圣彼得说：“坦白讲，能到这里让我蛮惊讶的，我一辈子一直都受到__的轻视和侮辱。”
“That’s a great sorrow to us,“ said St. Peter, “but you won-t find that kind of prejudice here. Here, all are truly equal. Just spell God and you may enter. “
“我们实在感到非常遗憾，”圣彼得说，“但我们这里没有那样的偏见，这里每个人都完全平等，只要拼出G。d这个词你就能进入天堂。”
Next,the Indian came forward and said,“St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in a reservation.Will I truly be free here?“
那名犹太人正确地拼出 God后，被招入门内。 接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得，我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击，而且只能住在居留地内，我在这里能得到真正的自由吗?”
“My son, your troubles are over. Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. “
“小兄弟，你的烦恼已经结束了，只要拼出God这个词，你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。”
The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.
印第安人照着做，不久也被引入天堂。
Next, the black man strode forward. “St. Peter,“ he said, “all my life people looked down on me and treated me unfairly. That won’t happen here, will it?“
接着那名黑人跨步向前，“圣彼得，”他说道，“一辈子人们都瞧不起我，不公平对待我，在这里那些事不会发生吧!”
“Of course not, my boy. We don’t do that kind of thing here. Just spell“ onomatopoeia “and the Kingdom of Heaven is yours “
“当然不会，我的弟兄，我们不会做那样的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词，天堂之国就是你的了!”
关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇二
The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnant with her ninth. Finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.
一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。
On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.
手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。
“Say, honey, what’s all this about?“ asked Lula May.
“亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊?鲁拉·梅问道。“
“Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important.
“宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要!“
关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇三
Smith was the manager of a construction’,event)“》construction company and was taking bids on a new project. The first bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000.
“That seems reasonable,“ said Smith. “Can you give me a breakdown on that?“
史密斯是一家建设公司的经理，他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司，他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理，”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢?”
“Sure,“ said the Pole, “ $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. “
“当然没问题，”波兰公司代表说道，“廿万元工资，廿万元材科费。”
Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction’,event)“》Construction Company, which bid $ 800,000.
下一个出标的是美国标准建设公司，他们以八十万元竞标。
“Hmm, that seems a bit high,“ said Smith. “What’s the breakdown?“
“嗯，这个价钱似乎有些偏高，”史密斯说道。“你们有明细表吗?’
“ $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. “
“四十万元材料，四十万元工资。”
“I’ll get back to you. “
“我以后再同你联系。”
Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith’s office.
最后可翰·高斯坦·雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百廿万元是我们竞标的价码，”代表说道。
“ $ 1,200,000 is our bid,“ said the agent.“$11 200, 0001 That’ s way out of line,“ exclaimed Smith. “Can you give me a brea kdown on that?“
“一百廿万元这个标高得太过分了，”史密斯叫道：“你可以给我一张明细表吗?“
“No problem,“ replied the rep. “ $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and $ 400 . 000 for the Polacks.
“没有问题，”代表回答道。“四十万元给我，四十万元给你，最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。”
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英语小故事1分钟幽默
故事教学法在外语学习中的运用取得了良好的效果并且得到了广泛的运用。我整理了1分钟幽默英语小故事，欢迎阅读!
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇一
The mean man’s party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,“Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot.“
“Why use my elbow and foot?“
“Well,gosh,“ was the reply,“You’re not coming empty-hangded,are you?吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了.他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃.门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开.”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊.天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答.
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇二
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer,“ I see that your pig likes apples, but isn“t that quite a waste of time?“ The farmer replied,“ What“s time to a pig?“
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，“我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?“那位农夫 回答说，“时间对猪有什么意义?“
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇三
a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “KISS“ scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a ’KISS’ before you begin your speech.“ The speaker smiled and explained, “You don’t know my wife. The ’KISS’ she give me stands for ’Keep It Short, Stupid.’“
1分钟幽默英语小故事篇四
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn’t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗? 妈妈问。
妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。
